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Jason’s (25) question: So, I came out to my parents about 3 years ago, and that was literally the last time we ever spoke about my sexuality. My dad keeps on asking if I have a girlfriend yet, as if he completely forgot that I am gay. I’ve been bottling up all my feelings through my entire life. I’m too scared to talk to my family again, I pushed all my friends away because of my fear of rejection, and I spend every night alone at home, comforting myself with food. I’ve picked up so much weight, and I have slipped into a very depressive state-of-mind. I’m so lonely and I just can’t seem to get my life back on track. I’m too scared to put myself out there, I mean, I’m fat and have a very boring personality, no guy would ever go for me. I suppose my question is, how do I go about embracing the person I really am, and how do I motivate myself to lose weight and become healthy once again?

Dr Dick’s response: The fact that you are seeking help indicates that you have intuitively felt that something needs to be done. It appears your biggest enemy at this stage is isolation. And the driver of that isolation is fear. I guess the question is: How long will you allow fear to dominate and dictate your life? When is enough enough?

Your first responsibility in life is towards yourself. You need to take control of and responsibility for your life, your decisions, and your actions. As long as you live in fear, you project that fear, and people respond to that fear by making you feel inferior or rejecting you. It makes sense: what you think of and about yourself, other people will also think of and about you. You need to become your own best friend first and be happy within yourself. Only then will people respond positively to you. You need to make some decisions that will be good for you, and take action. Nothing will happen if you do nothing, and happiness will not find you if you hide from everything and everyone.

You need to take that step to get out of the house as well, not to find a partner, but to start enjoying life and making friends. I know everyone looks for that special someone, but we all need friends first. And when we are happy with whom we are, our happiness will attract that special person. I know all of this is easier said than done, but nobody can do these things for you. Only you can do it – and you can!

Questions you can consider:
• Who is Jason (strengths and weaknesses)?
• What makes you happy?
• What are your interests? Anything you can pursue as something to do with your time, something that will make you feel happier…
• What do you want in life (not just a life-partner)? Do you want it badly enough to do something about it?
• What are the steps needed to get what you want?

Remember: baby steps! It doesn’t happen all at once. Most of the time it takes a while before we see results. You need to do the work.