Anal sex is also called fucking. It is basically the insertion of one guy’s cock into the anus of another. A guy who fucks is called ‘active’ or a ‘top’, and a guy being fucked is called ‘passive’ or a ‘bottom’. Versatile guys enjoy both.
For some guys anal sex is the ultimate, as this stimulates the male G-spot (or prostate gland), a small, chestnut-sized bump situated approximately 3-4 cm inside the anus, behind the penis (see: Anatomy of the Penis). According to various studies, the rate of anal sex among gay men ranges between 70 and 85%. However, a minority of gay men are happy with other forms of sex (such as oral sex and masturbation). It is really up to you; there is no right or wrong. Do only what you feel comfortable with and don’t let anyone ‘talk’ you into anal sex if you don’t want to do it.
Being a Top
As already mentioned, a ‘top’ is basically the active partner that inserts his cock into the anus of his passive partner. Being a top is generally considered safer than being a bottom. But that is not to say that there aren’t any risks (see: STIs and HIV). Enjoyable anal sex is more than just putting it in his butt. It is about knowing what you are doing, being prepared, and working your way up to this point through sensual foreplay (see: Foreplay).
As the active/inserting partner, make sure that you carry condoms and enough lube. Only put the condom on once your cock is hard enough (see: condoms) and are ready to fuck. Apply some lube (see: lube) to your cock and his anus, so that your entry is more sensual and less painful for both of you. It is a good idea that you both proceed slowly and carefully, giving him enough time to relax. If he is not relaxed there is no way you are going to get your cock inside him. Foreplay (see: Foreplay) (kissing, touching, caressing, sucking, rimming, fingering, etc) can be a great way to relax and raise the level of excitement for both of you. Rimming (see: rimming) and fingering (see: fingering) actually helps the sphincter muscle (see: Anatomy of the Anus) of the anus to relax, which will allow for more enjoyable fucking. Another option would be to use a sex toy (see: Sex toys), such as a dildo or butt plug, to help him relax and open up.
Once you are ready to fuck him, be sure to do this gradually. First press your cock against his anus. Then slowly begin inserting the head of your cock (See: Anatomy of the Penis) and withdrawing. Repeat this for a while. You can incorporate other things while doing this, such as kissing or massage (practice makes perfect). If things are ok at this stage begin inserting more of your cock into him. Make small, slow thrusts at this point. If desirable to both of you, you can begin making fuller thrusts. But a word of caution – the inner lining of the anus is not elasticized (does not stretch easily), so be careful not to tear the walls of the anus (see: Anatomy of the Anus) when thrusting your cock into him. And remember to be sensitive to his cues and focus on making the sex pleasurable for both of you.
Sometimes, being nervous, tired or not sufficiently horny, you may find that you lose your hard-on (see: Erectile dysfunction) while engaging in foreplay or once you have started fucking him. This may happen to a person who is just starting as a top or even to someone with lots of sexual experience. If this happens, take a deep breath, remove all pressure to perform, and consider fooling around a bit more before attempting to fuck again.
Some tops believe that they are not at risk for HIV or STIs since they are the active partner. But this is a myth. Know the risks (see: STIs and HIV). That aside, good anal hygiene (see: Anal Hygiene) is very IMPORTANT!
Being a Bottom
As already mentioned, a ‘bottom’ is basically a passive partner that receives his partner’s cock in his anus (see: Anatomy of the Anus). An inexperienced bottom usually needs some time to learn how to relax his sphincter muscle, so as to allow his partner’s cock inside him. A great suggestion for learning how to relax your sphincter muscle is to practice tightening and loosening the muscles in your anus (hold and release), by fingering (see: fingering) yourself or experimenting with sex toys (see: Sex toys), such as a dildo or butt plug. Be sure to use plenty of lube to increase your comfort and pleasure.
Unprotected anal sex carries the highest risk for HIV and other STIs. As such, before taking the next step, it is important that you be informed of the associated risks of anal sex:
The semen of an infected individual contains high concentrations of the HIV virus;
The membranous lining of the rectum (which is very rich in blood vessels) is thin and can easily be torn during anal sexual activity. Such abrasions in the tissue allow HIV to enter into the vascular system in large numbers;
In addition, the mucosal tissue in the rectum contains a high concentration of receptors that are ideal for the HI virus to attach itself to; and
Even if the lining of the rectum is not torn during anal sex, studies have shown that semen contains two components, collagenase and spermine, that cause the breakdown of the membrane allowing substances to penetrate the rectal and colon mucosa.
Even if engaging in protected anal sex, there is still a significant degree of risk because of the following:
Condoms and lube that are not used correctly increase the chance of them breaking or slipping off; and
While fucking it is sometimes very difficult to tell whether the condom is still intact or not, until it is often too late.
Being aware of the associated risks, you can make informed choices about what is safest for you. Remember, you can still have fun while being safe.
Once more confident and comfortable, you will be ready to move onto the next stage: letting him fuck you. There are a number of variations (see: sex positions) of how he can fuck you. You could try lying on your side with the top leg bent forward at the hip and knee and the bottom leg straight while he penetrates you. Or alternatively, you could lie on your back and lift your legs over his shoulders while he inserts his cock into you. Another possibility could be for you to position yourself on your hands and knees while he fucks you from behind. Whatever the style, make sure that both of you are comfortable. Given the risks mentioned above, insist that he uses a condom (see: condoms) and a high quality, water-based lube (see: lube) like KY to help make penetration safer, easier and more enjoyable for both of you. Ask him to withdraw periodically to check that the condom is intact and still on his cock. Also insist that he cum outside you, even if he has a condom on. These strategies will help reduce your risks.
Sometimes a condom breaks or tears. Don’t panic! Rather talk to your sex partner about your concerns. Consider what your risk is and explore the possible need to go for an HIV test (especially if you are uncertain about his status and sexual history).
And lastly, good anal hygiene (see: Anal hygiene) is very IMPORTANT!